sarah!!

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 11:24:05 GMT

half way done with school. 3 more months left of going to aveda. i need to start looking at other salons for apprenticeships. i need to get over my fear of meeting new people. not really meeting new people but working with new people. i have absolutely no problem with clients... well minus that scalp disease lady. almost made me want to quit going to school. so incredibly nasty that i almost threw up. not once, but at least 5 times. gotta love nyc.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:30:59 GMT

im so broke i dont even think im going to have enough money to go to schoo. FML.

life is okay

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 04:00:41 GMT

school is going by quickly. i decided i want to be a colorist. next step, finding an apprenticeship in manhattan.

my dad is doing well. he gets to email me. its cheaper to use the internet instead of the telephone.

the prison has no fences. he lives in a dorm type of deal and plays bacci ball with the fellow inmates.

tomorrow is going to be insane here for the fireworks. they are being held on the hudson river instead of the east river. living on the cliff right off the river, i expect to see lots of tourist and sweaty people everywhere. hell, they are closing off all the roads out here and replacing them with port-o-potties. gross.

my friend sydle and i are going to be taking free yoga classes every other day after class. wish me luck. time to get fit.

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:39:23 GMT

wolverine had to have surgery. i cried so much.... my head is still splitting. $1200 later, she made it through. i wont be here when she gets home tomorrow. i know jessey will be taking good care of her while i am out of town. my poor little wolvie. im so glad she made it.

when it rains it pours

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:52:13 GMT

1. i have the nastiest spider bite ever. i woke up in the middle of the night with a muscle pain in the right side of my back behind my arm. since thats an area that is hard to see unless in the mirror, i thought i might have just pulled a muscle from working at school. (i use my arms a lot -hair cutting, dyeing, blow drying ect.) i got changed in the morning to find my boyfriend freaking out at a huge black/red circle located in the area i was complaining about. spider bite. everyone says so. even my mom and dad who are both in the medical field. it must have happened in my sleep. its been over a week and still no change... except now the area is completely black as apposed to it have a layer of red blood surrounding it.

2.i am no longer working. out of money and poor. cant go to the doctors to get my bite checked out.

3. my cat wolvie is pretty sick right now and since i lost my job, i had to cry to my mother to see if she would help me out. it seems pretty serious and i dont know what i would do without her. i hope everything goes well at the vet tomorrow. but it sucks even more because i have to miss another day at school.

4. my dad is leaving for prison this friday.

returning home is never easy.

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:25:58 GMT

i am venturing back to south jersey/philly again for my final goodbye to my father. he leaves for prison in 10 days. i cant believe all these years of me posting about his leaving, the time has finally come. i feel like i want to cry but for some reason i can't. i literally cant cry over this anymore. its a strange feeling. who knows what the situation is going to be when i get there.. will he be upset? will he be drunk? will he be angry? im not sure. im not even sure if he is even going to be home those days.

at least i can say, i was there...even if he is not physically or mentally there. i was.

i dont have many people to talk to about this matter. my boyfriend is there for me but he can only relate to this as much as anyone else could. not many people i know have a father leaving for prison. sure, it happens to some, but how come none of those people are people i know?

Writer's Block: Places to Lay Your Head

Tue, 26 May 2009 20:24:45 GMT

How many different places (cities, houses, apartments, dorm rooms, etc.) have you lived in? Which is your favorite? And your least favorite?

View 502 Answers

IN ORDER (some towns i have lived in more than once)

woodstown, nj
elmer, nj
pitman, nj
folsom, nj
moroeville, nj
pitman, nj
elmer, nj
nesco, nj
hammonton, nj (my first apartment!)
pittsgrove, nj
nesco, nj
philadelphia, pa
mayslanding, nj
philadelphia, pa (my 2nd place in philly sucked. my roommate was a creep and my ex was a dick.
hammonton, nj
weehawken, nj (favorite place to live ever!)

i know there is more places i have lives in but, my memory is at a loss.

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:42:25 GMT

today was jessey's and i first year together. a year. wow. time has flown.

school was okay. im just super overwhelmed with all the information i had to intake today. the first two months are going to be really strenuous. i havent been in a classroom environment since highschool. hell, i havent been awake before 6:30 in over 3 years. my days off from school will be spent at the store in hoboken. so much for relaxing.

ughh, come on 7 months!

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:07:19 GMT

today i woke up with two new beauty marks on both of my hands. weird. i know they were never there before and they arent freckles.

tomorrow is my first real day of school. so nervous. so excited.

i hope the traffic in the lincoln tunnel tomorrow morning isnt too bad. i hope the subway isnt chock full of sweaty people dying from the abnormal summer heat.

I HOPE I DONT GET SWINE FLU. what the hell, this scares the crap out of me.

New shoes.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:10:10 GMT

so i bought myself new sneakers for my birthday. i really needed new shoes with all the standing/walking i will be doing in school and work. these are pretty sick.

edit: the red pumas were out of stock and the website (and every other website) does not carry them any longer. im pretty upset but i just found a pair in black and silver. i think i actually like these ones better...

finality:- the quality of being final or definitely settled; "the finality of death"

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 04:57:18 GMT

have i come to an end to my journey? i spent the past couple years on the go. running from, at the time unknowingly, myself, loneliness, and so many other factors. ive spent those years moving from place to place. creating memories as well as destroying them. averaging 9 different "homes" in a year and a half. there are so many people who have played roles in my life. and yet again, almost a year ago, i destroyed them.

but for a good reason. i am no longer running. i am no longer lonely. i am here to stay. me going to school is pretty final. my license will be issued to the state of new york meaning no matter what happens between jessey and i, i will have to remain up north. its a little scary and the finality of it all is hitting me more and more as school approaches in 2 weeks.

best thing ever!

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 03:11:16 GMT

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:19:03 GMT

school is right around the corner. orientation is the day of my birthday. for those of you who don't know, that is the 21st of april. im going to be 21 on the 21st. my golden year. yep. i guess i can use this as a conversation starter to meet some new friends at the "meet and greet" for school. too bad i hardly ever drink anymore. i went from alcoholic, to lush, to refusing even a sip. go me.

im very excited to turn my life around. its about time i do something productive and enjoy what i will be doing. i never once wanted an office job. im so lucky to be creative as i am. hopefully, i will really take off in school and make a mark. i also find it amusing that i will be working in the fashion capital of the world. oh the advantages out here.

jessey and i are doing wonderful. i never thought i would ever meet someone so great. he treats me the way i, and any women should be treated. his family is absolutely amazing as well.

ive given up on trying to keep my old friends, friends. its not fair for me to do all the contacting. for once, i feel alright about this. in this point of my life, i really dont have time for anyone anyway. its a shame because some people go way back. but what can you do? such is life and we are all growing up. at least i hope everyone is growing up.

however, one person i have always and will always stay in contact with is amanda parks. she just had the cutest baby ever and i can not wait to go and meet her.

dooms day

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:10:47 GMT

today was my dads final trial. he is leaving for prison in 90 days and will be away for a little more then 3 years. everything feels so unreal. i knew this time would come but like everyone else, we thought he would just escape from it all. a simple slap on the wrist.

ill be 24 when he gets out. thats absolutely crazy.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 06:01:18 GMT

so i am normally a pretty decent driver. i dont speed, i pay attention to my surroundings - for the most part- but today i was extremely off.

i was pulling out of the super market parking lot. its pretty difficult to see the on coming traffic because of all the fucking idiots double parked in the road. i pulled out passed the stop sign just so the nose of the vehicle was out to see. all of the sudden some fucking little emo boy with long hair and tight pants starts walking in front of my truck. me, looking at the oncoming traffic in the other side to make sure i didnt get hit, didnt see him. i almost ran him over. infact, i think i did hit him, a tiny bit.

weird thing is, he didnt even look like he was scared or hurt. jessey says its because he already hates his life. HAHAHAHA.

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:12:37 GMT

i cant help but feel as if everything is coming to an end soon. the walls are closing in on me and i feel like im beginning to drown in my skin.

cant sleep

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:53:30 GMT

obviously, i cant sleep.

does anyone ever feel that their entire life is a dream? if not the entire life, then certain parts. i used to have this feeling all the time as a child. everything would feel hazy and seem a little off. i eventually grew out of it. but lately, everything has been very very vague. this isn't a positive or a negative feeling. its completely neutral. when i get this feeling, its as if i am viewing my life from some higher up place. literally, not metaphorically. as if i were standing on top of a high cliff looking down at myself and the events that are happening. hovering around viewing my life. i suppose this "dream" feeling comes into play because i know that it isn't really true. most of the time, i don't even feel like i am myself. i don;t feel like it is me who is living and doing the things i normally do. i don't feel like my name is sarah but it should be someone else's.

another thing that i've noticed during this feeling is that i will engage in a conversation with someone but not be able to fully understand what they are saying. not that i cant grab the concept, but i literally can not make out the words from their mouth. they could be speaking clearly and have perfect english, but the words seem like jibberish. everything gets mumbled up and seems to slow down immensely.

sounds like something a drug addict would describe. but i assure you, i am clean. i just wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences.

aveda

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:53:07 GMT

last night i got my acceptance letter to aveda. im pretty excited. i have never gotten an acceptance letter to anything in the mail. mainly because this is my first time apply to anything worth the while.

orientation starts on the day of my 21st birthday. then actually classes start april 28.

im ready to do something productive with my life. to be able to support myself no matter what life throws at me and do something that i will enjoy doing.

hopefully, ill meet some new friends as well. i still havent met anyone really except maryam (my co worker who i only see if she is working and i need my paycheck) and shes 44 years old!

everything is going well. and will go well. unless i run into that guy who spit on me on the subway for no reason. asshole.

a serious update!

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 03:57:37 GMT

i hate to think that i took all of those art classes (pottery,sculpture, advanced drawing and painting blah blah blah) and not do anything creative.

i am very excited about going to the aveda school in soho, nyc. but, sometimes i wonder if it will be creative enough for me.

anyway. things are better. i went to the ER today to get a cat scan. blame the new nuva ring birth control for giving me freakishly hellish headaches. i was prescribed pain killers after getting a needle stuck into my left butt cheek.

south jersey was nice to visit but there is nothing better then sleeping in your own bed. or being allowed to sleep with your own boyfriend. (mom - actually step dad jeff- made my boyfriend and i sleep in separate rooms.)

the funeral was decent. am i even allowed to say a funeral was decent? is that morally correct? half the people in my family i am not even remotely close with. there was a ton of awkward moments. luckily, that was taken away by all the yummy desserts provided by the awkward family members. smoking a lot of cigarettes and being slightly obnoxious helps as well.

all in all, i think i have turned out to be a pretty okay human being. the past few years have forced me to grow up a lot.

im just glad i didnt go down with the sinking pile of bullshit i was floating on this time last year. HAHA.

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 07:36:33 GMT

i always handle going to funerals in an odd way. ive been to so many, yet only a few have made me cry. when i get home however, i ball my eyes out.

i know its a natural thing to go through.. death that is. but while standing over a casket, i cant help but think about my own mortality. its scary.

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:44:50 GMT

so. my great grandmother died today. she was 96. its so strange to think that someone you have known your whole life doesnt exist anymore.

blehh.

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 05:22:00 GMT

A RANDOM JOURNAL ENTRY FROM OVER 4 YEARS AGO. MAN, WAS I DEPRESSING!

_________________________________________________________________

Current mood: depressed
Current music: false advertising - bright eyes
so you stand in my doorway and tell me that drinking your problems away isnt going to make anything better. why dont you tell me something else to do in an empty house when you havent seen your family in a few good days and you think your friends could care less.

i rather sip on my whiskey anyway and listen to bright eyes.

its depressing when you dont have anything more to wake up to than a tub of cold water in the morning with a cigarette half lit halfway under water.

if you listen closely, you can hear the embers sizzle.

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 16:26:06 GMT

im so insecure. anyone ever have that crazy feeling that you shouldnt be having? or get worried about something you know you shouldnt?

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 03:53:55 GMT

i fucking hate christmas. fuck it all. fuck you. fuck off. i hate everything.

ahhhhhh

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 23:44:23 GMT

update on my dad.

hes getting out in 2 hours or so.

his friend paid for half his bail which was nearly $8,000. greeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt.